I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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