think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
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i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
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I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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