I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
