My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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