so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
