Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
