I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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