Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
