No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
