the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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