yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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