she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
please come you make the beer taste better
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
