the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
