Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
