So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
