He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
