he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
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