I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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