Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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