i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
