I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
