If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
