my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
