so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
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