I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
