I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
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I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
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How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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