winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
