I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
