I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
