So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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