you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize