I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
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Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
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