Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I think my vagina is haunted
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
