Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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