She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
