Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
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He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
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6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize