and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
