Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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