therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
