My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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