Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
