you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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