Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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