I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
