So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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