During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
