we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
