Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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