have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
