Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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