then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
