Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
