saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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