is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
