i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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