You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks