I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
