people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick