Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
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we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
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Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You may now shotgun with the bride
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?