Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
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before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
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He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.