you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
the evidence from last night is not good...
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.