Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.