I must be too annoying 4 u.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
