Texts From Last Night

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  (561): View more from Florida

  I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.

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  (561): I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes. http://tfl.nu/o56m
  Replies (4) Good night (1255) Bad night (1483)
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  (971): View more from Oregon

  I have two black x marks on my hands.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'

  (971): View more from Oregon

  damnit I wish I could remember that.

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  (971): I have two black x marks on my hands. (503): Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here' (971): damnit I wish I could remember that. http://tfl.nu/kz4a
  Replies (58) Good night (27115) Bad night (1532)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!

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  (856): FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?! http://tfl.nu/ganv
  Replies (70) Good night (5204) Bad night (9723)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.

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  (503): There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize. http://tfl.nu/694m
  Replies (8) Good night (4455) Bad night (1078)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?

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  (618): Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth? http://tfl.nu/eljh
  Replies (9) Good night (1015) Bad night (5366)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...

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  (908): At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ... http://tfl.nu/ikiv
  Replies (10) Good night (1250) Bad night (1482)
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  (714): View more from California

  He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.

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  (714): He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE. http://tfl.nu/67b2
  Replies (11) Good night (688) Bad night (1451)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party

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  (519): I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party http://tfl.nu/i9gg
  Replies (4) Good night (1499) Bad night (471)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.

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  (407): At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long. http://tfl.nu/ssq5
  Replies (8) Good night (576) Bad night (564)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.

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  (724): Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall. http://tfl.nu/yi3c
  Replies (3) Good night (833) Bad night (417)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.

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  (702): I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up. http://tfl.nu/wodb
  Replies (2) Good night (1062) Bad night (298)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.

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  (859): Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night. http://tfl.nu/d9pf
  Replies (4) Good night (803) Bad night (274)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.

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  (306): thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand. http://tfl.nu/959s
  Replies (1) Good night (577) Bad night (265)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up

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  (919): Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up http://tfl.nu/pzrf
  Replies (1) Good night (308) Bad night (598)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.

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  (573): He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth. http://tfl.nu/w14e
  Replies (1) Good night (495) Bad night (199)

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