What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
