its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
