well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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