It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
