I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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