YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
