Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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